Tomorrow is International Women's Day, a day in celebration of the achievement of women around the world. It is supposed to be a day of respect and love, but today I witnessed something that deeply disturbed me. As I was walking home from work, I saw a man across the street approach a woman right in front of the Tim Horton's downtown. He was very animated as he talked, and it caught me eye, for some reason. But the walk light turned, and so I crossed the street to the opposite corner of the intersection.
Then I heard her, at this great distance, say "get out of the way." I stopped. I looked back, and saw that she tried to go around him, but he physically blocked her path. I saw two men in suits cross over to that corner of the intersection. The men looked her way with passive concern, as I had, but crossed when the walk light turned, just like me.
I stopped. I knew someone should do something. But I didn't want it to have to be me. Why couldn't it be them? They were closer. I stood there. I waited.
And then it struck me what a fucking coward I was for not standing up for a woman who was being harassed in public. She had a man physically blocking her from walking down the street, and nobody was doing anything about it. And if it wasn't going to be me, it wasn't going to be anybody.
So I took off my belt and wrapped it around my hand, crossed the street once, then again by cutting through traffic, and walked up to him. Adrenaline is all I had, because confrontation is not my strong suit. I told him to leave her alone. He looked at me, and was clearly drunk. He turned to me and tried to excuse what he was doing. She snuck past him and into the Tim Horton's. So I thought it was over.
He followed her into the Tim Horton's. She locked herself in the washroom, and he tried to talk through the door. I went outside and phoned the police. A customer came outside to talk to me while I did.
"I wanted to do something, but I have my daughter here," he said to me. His name was Jamie. He indicated that we should keep an eye on him together. As I hung up from reporting the incident to the police, the harasser walked outside.
Again, the man tried to appeal to us that he wasn't doing anything wrong. "I just wanted to talk to her."
"If she asks you to leave her alone, you need to leave her alone," I said. It probably sounded feeble. The woman slipped by and headed down the street while Jamie and I engaged the man. Jamie was more intimidating and assertive. He lectured the guy about respecting women.
Jamie took the lead. He was assertive and took the lead. I was okay with that. He looked way more badass than I did.
Eventually the man wandered in the opposite direction as the woman had gone. Jamie and I chatted a little while to make sure he didn't double back. He walked off toward the river, and the incident was done.
So what's the point of this story? I'm not certain. I mostly needed to write it down because I'm still processing it. It's been a long and strange week, and this incident certainly added to the "what the hell just happened" factor.
It's sad that this woman couldn't walk down the street without this guy harassing her. And it's sad that nobody stopped to help. It's sad that I didn't stop right away. I was just another one of the indifferent passersby who couldn't be bothered to help someone who clearly needed an ally.
I am afraid of confrontation. I cower from any sort of interpersonal conflict. But I am grateful that today I stood up for someone. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of harassment. I don't want to live in a world where women are harassed on the street, and nobody does anything about it. When I think of something like that happening to someone I love, I want to know that there are people out there who will intervene when they see an injustice. And the only way I can expect to live in a world like that is if I am willing to cross the street and fight for those who need, and deserve, a little help.
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